All parents, whether we start off confident or terrified, face endless moments of confusion as our kids mature. Maybe some of these ring a bell?
- “My child used to be able to care about the family but suddenly doesn’t seem to.”
- “They used to think for themselves but now they want me to tell them what to do all the time!”
- “They didn’t use to lie but now they do.”
- “Why do they seem to understand why they shouldn’t do something but then they just go and do it again?”
- “Why do they want to be just like their friends? Should I be refusing to support this?”
- “Why do they stay friends with this kid in their class, they are so mean to my child but my child adores them!?”
- “Why do I feel so angry about them refusing to do what I ask?”
- “How come I can’t stick to the rules we set? In fact why do I hate rules?”
Is it just your child? Is it just you? Why do these things seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere?
And how come nothing you do seems to make much of an impact?
If you’ve read some parenting books you may have learned about the developmental stages children move through as they grow up. But development doesn’t just play out in what the child can learn. Kids develop in…
- their capacity to understand and use rules,
- their sense of who and what they are,
- their ability to relate to others and much more.
And so do you…
What you may not have been taught is more recent research showing that development doesn’t conclude at the end of childhood. We all continue to develop through adult life.
Those two realities are the key
To resolve the kinds of dilemmas, paradoxes and puzzles we encounter when you try to be a better parent to your child means you need to take seriously that both you and the child are involved in complex developmental processes… together.
So, chiefly you must commit to better understand your self –
- Cultivate an awareness of your own developmental perspective and your learning biases and preferences.
- Acknowledge the role these aspects of your self play in dealing with others and parenting your child.
- Become aware of how they expand and contract in different settings.
And in that context of self-understanding, also deepen your understanding of your child –
- Seeing the role of those same developmental aspects in your child.
- Using Awakened Educating to engage with the child’s developmental process.
With those two commitments, it becomes obvious that the processes of parenting and being parented are reciprocal. We are growing and learning with and from each other.
Find out more
I offer training and coaching to parents who want to commit to this deeper form of growth and awareness.
If you want to move beyond frustrating dilemmas and unsolvable paradoxes in your parenting, find out more about what I offer.
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